so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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