im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
They took my balls.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
