apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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