I wanna bring you to show and tell
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
