and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
