This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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