Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
