i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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