I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
