he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
