i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Randomize
