Banned from zoo.
Again?
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
