I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
