I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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