Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
