Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
