then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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