She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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