we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
