Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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