He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
