Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
