It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
