Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
