My nipple is on Facebook.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Randomize
