doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Randomize
