i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
