I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
