You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I'm drive I can fine osifer
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Randomize
