i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
This toilet bowl is my home.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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