Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
