If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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