I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I supernannyed him into submission
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
