You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
