hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
