I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
