If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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