I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
