sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
