I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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