i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
