If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
