Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
