I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
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