i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I can text with my tongue
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
