I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
