If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
