I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize
