Your dad touched me again.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
