I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
