So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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