How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
